I thought God owed me my husband

 

Hello!
This is usually read by only me, because I have never shared it with anyone else.
My birthday was a month ago, and I had a fabulous time in the middle east. It was actually one of the best vacations I had ever been on. I am extremely thankful for another year in my life, and for the experience to be able to see the world.

 As I grow older and I learn more, I also realize that there's so much I do not know.
I used to be a regular church goer. I always heard Christians in church say God's promises (God promised me this and that) etc. So, when I prayed, I always said those are God's promises to me, so I believe He owes me something. Well, the longer I live life, the more I know nothing is guaranteed. And, because I thought God owed me my husband, I was really upset at God that He had not sent me my husband. He had not kept to His side of the bargain. I kept to mine, I kept my faith, I stayed a virgin, yet I was single and childless.

Does God owe us anything? Of course NOT! Anything that God decides to give to us is by His grace and mercy. I am still learning this and coming to terms with it. 

All I will say is, if you have faith, ask God, and see if God brings it to pass.
Do not hold resentment in your heart because you chose to stay a virgin or are celibate and you are single. You made the choice, and here you are. 
There's way more unknown than is known in the world. Accept it and move on.

Be kind to yourself and have no expectations. Have fun! 
I leave you with these:
Romans 11:35-35 “Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them?
Job 41:11 "Who has a claim against me that I must pay? Everything under heaven belongs to me."
Romans 9:16 "It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy."

If I get married and have children it's just because God chooses to do it. It's not because I did anything to deserve it, and definitely not because God is an ATM, you put something in, and get something out.